Running With Scissors (2006)

I can see what the people behind this film were aiming for. High-minded indie fare that comes from behind to win Oscar gold. The big problem? Somebody forgot to polish up the script.

This pointless film attempts to be too many things, and ends up tasting like an old soda that's been sitting out on the counter for two days. No fizz. Bland. Flat. It's parts separated from each other. You'll have to force yourself to swallow one flat scene after another to make it to the credits.

Rating: F

Zombieland (2009)

A lighthearted, ultra-violent, road comedy, that also happens to be a zombie flick. Lots of funny, dark humor. There's a nod to Scream, with the rules for surviving a zombie apocalypse. While there's not much meat to the story, simply watching a few days in the life of some zombie survivors is entertainment enough.

Rating: B

Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)

Not nearly as enjoyable as the first, especially with having to overcome my incredible distaste of Rene Zellicker. Hugh Grant is the best part of the film--again. I love it when he plays scoundrels, which is really him just playing himself.

Rating: C

Side By Side (2012)

A documentary about the current transition taking place from celluloid to digital in the filmmaking process. As a huge film buff, I found it all very interesting. A lot of heavy hitters are interviewed and consulted. If you are interested in the process and not just the end result, then you should check this out.

Rating: C+

Series 7: The Contenders (2001)

This was a Sundance film with a limited theatrical release. It's filmed as a number one hit reality TV show where contestants try to kill each other. The last person alive wins. I've seen a number of movies with a similar plot, but this one was done quite well. It's violent, satirical, darkly comical, well written, and fun to watch.

Rating: C+

Chasing Ghosts (2007)

A companion documentary to The King of Kong, that focuses on all classic video games, and the men who set the world records. Each one of them could have been the next Bill Gates if they had simply focused their attention on the right thing. Interesting to see their individual personalities and where their lives went after their 15 minutes of fame were over.

Rating: C

Another Year (2010)

Another piece of everyday life from Mike Leigh. As far as I can tell, it’s about a bunch of depressed people that rotate around a happy elderly couple. It can be quite depressing depending on who you relate with in the film. Not as enjoyable for me as his previous work.

Rating: C-

Solaris (2002)

I had to see this one since it was directed by Steven Soderbergh. Strange story and concept, which I was happy to go along with, but there were far too many loose ends. The movie took its sweet time getting to the end, which was left up to the interpretation of the viewer. I hate that. I prefer to see what the writer and director have to say. Left me feeling cheated and confused.

Rating: D

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (2005)

I read the books so long ago that the story was still a surprise for me. Great casting with the children. The littlest girl is amazing in her role. While I'm sure many things differed from the book, it's still a good film on its own.

Rating: B-

This Is Not A Film (2011)

An Iranian documentary that chronicles a single day in the life of Jafar Panahi, a director that has been banned from filmmaking for the next 20 years. It all takes place inside his apartment as he awaits a verdict on his case. The film is more of a political statement than a piece of entertaining art. I am aware of the many limitations in which this film-that-is-not-a-film was made, but one can still hope for something that both makes a political statement and entertains at the same time, as Weiwei: Never Sorry did.

Rating: D+

Shanghai Knights (2003)

Owen Wilson was funny in this sequel and there were some well choreographed fight scenes with Jackie Chan.

Rating: C

Australia (2008)

A long, sweeping, epic drama of Australian proportions, featuring the husky Wolverine Hugh Jackman and the Botox injected, expressionless Nicole Kidman. It's City Slickers meets Gone With The Wind, only with funnier accents.

Somewhat entertaining, but the movie feels as long as it is. Just when you think things are wrapping up, that the big finale has been reached and the credits should be rolling, you'll look at your watch and go, "Crikey! There's another hour to go!"

Rating: C

The Lone Ranger (2013)

Long, dumb, and uninspired. Clichéd characters act out clichéd scenes in a two dollar script. The actress who played Alice in BBCs Luther deserved better.

Rating: D-

Seven Samurai (Shichinin no Samurai) (1954)

I often complain about older films, especially really old black and white ones being over-acted and crappy. This Japanese gem was excellent. I realize I'm like the zillionth person to say that, but given my record of hating old movies, this is a film you can take to the bank.

While watching, you can list off dozens of movies that used this as their source material. It's ridiculously ahead of its time. I wouldn't call it perfect, but definitely worth the 3 ½ hours or so run time.

Rating: B+

The Illusionist (2006)

WHY?!? Why must a good show go suddenly so wrong? I was enjoying the build-up, character development, and story. Then BAM! Glowing ghosts appear in the big trick. They didn't even bother to offer any sort of credible rationalization for how those spirits came to be. It's a completely ridiculous trick that should never have been used as a plot device. I didn't buy it.

The Prestige suffered a very similar fate. It's too bad the directors can't hop into that Tesla time machine and go fix these scripts before shooting started.

Rating: D+

Coraline (2009)

Visually stunning, with a cute take on the very similar Pan's Labyrinth. This is not a kid's movie, although they still might be entertained by it.

Rating: B-

Mean Girls (2004)

I'm a sucker for smart teen flicks, and this was a good one. Tina Fey before she ran out of good ideas. The story is fairly formulaic, but it's consistently funny throughout. Worth seeing.

Rating: C+

Spy Kids (2001)

Watched this with my nieces. I'm a big Robert Rodriguez fan, so I figured it couldn't be all bad. I have to admit, he pulled off a pretty decent family action film.

Rating: C+

Gimme The Loot (2012)

So I immediately disliked the two main characters. It’s hard for me to get behind a couple of delinquents who don’t have respect for others, private property, or themselves. Their conversations are agonizing to listen to. Based on their vocabulary, it’s doubtful they made it out of the 2nd grade. The whole film builds up to them tagging the Mets Homerun Apple, and then they don’t even accomplish that. Pointless movie.

Rating: F

Ocean's Thirteen (2007)

A vast improvement over the second film, which isn't saying much, but not as fun as watching the first film for the very first time. Still, it was great to see this fantastic cast reunited and up to their old tricks once again. The plot is much simpler than the previous two. They set up their big plan, and then follow through with it. No fancy twists and turns like in the previous Oceans. This means you can sit and enjoy without trying to outsmart the movie.

Rating: C+

The Sweetest Thing (2002)

I gave this one a second viewing recently. Before there was Bridesmaids, there was The Sweetest Thing. It’s a raunchy girl’s comedy where Cameron Diaz, Christina Applegate, and Selma Blair are given free rein to be as bad as they want to be. The script is fast and loose, including some borderline fantasy montages that skew away from the main narrative. There’s a lot of comedy thrown against the wall. Some of it sticks, some of it doesn’t.

Rating: C

The Dead (2010)

Stylistically, it’s a very different type of zombie movie. The action takes place in West Africa, with local villages fighting a losing battle against the undead. The acting, f/x, and makeup are all satisfactory. It’s the camerawork that shines here. I heard there’s a sequel taking place in India, which I’m interested in checking out.

Rating: C+

Fantastic Four (2005)

Not as bad as I expected it to be. Some cool special effects and action sequences make it a fun popcorn flick. Plus, Jessica Alba.

Rating: C

JCVD (2008)

A run of the mill plot, but with an interesting premise. It's always satisfying to see a washed-up underdog get a chance to showcase his unseen talents. In this case, those talents are acting. Van Damme is given the opportunity to show some emotion onscreen, outside of angry and more angry. I'm not saying the film is brilliant, but it certainly is a breath of fresh air.

Rating: C

Once Upon A Time in Mexico (2003)

Seriously, this is one of the films I MOST looked forward to all year. I absolutely LOVED Desperado, and was thrilled when I caught wind of a sequel being made. Actually, it was the third in the series, the first being El Mariachi, which was ok. Then I heard Johnny Depp was starring too, and I was hooked.

But, with all build ups comes much disappointment. Instead of following a simple plot as Desperado did, Once Upon a Time zigzagged all over with too many characters and poor transitions. There were flashbacks and double crossings, sub plots and multiple climaxes. It came nowhere near the level of cool that Desperado reached.

Rating: C-

Girl Model (2011)

A documentary about the modeling industry, and specifically about a young Siberian girl entering the industry at age 13 in Tokyo. While the camerawork felt amateurish, it did communicate some of the trepidation and nervousness a young lass might feel as she attempts to find her way in a foreign country. There’s a lot of pressure on her slight shoulders to bring home money for her poor family in the motherland. Having lived in Japan for over a year, it was fun to see it through her eyes those first few days.

Rating: C

Ladies and Gentlemen, The Fabulous Stains (1982)

As a fan of grrl punk, I was drawn to this early 80's film depicting the difficult journey fictional band The Stains take to reach stardom. Courtney Love calls it the best film ever made. That's awfully high praise to be given to any movie, let alone this one, but then again, she's a stupid junkie and terrible mother.

The real treat is seeing a young Diane Lane and Laura Dern at the beginning of their careers, rocking out on stage in shocking outfits with wild hair. I wish they had been given more material to sing, rather than the same two songs over and over again. This isn't "That Thing You Do" after all. I imagine most working musicians will relate to this film on a very personal level. The rest of us will simply be entertained.

Rating: C+

Mission: Impossible III (2006)

Phillip Seymor Hoffman excels as the bad guy, transforming himself into a sinister mastermind of evil. I had no doubt he would pull off another fantastic performance. He's one of the best actors around. Cruise keeps it together on screen as well. The plot is pretty good, and the action is great.

Rating: C+

Monsters University (2013)

It was ok. While the original was inventive and genuinely funny, this prequel garnered a few modest laughs and was mildly entertaining. Pixar is no longer the trusted brand it once was.

Rating: C

Inglourious Basterds (2009)

Not exactly the movie I anticipated going in. I was looking forward to more of a gorilla warfare killing spree. Instead, the plot was much more involved, with very little action scenes by the rebel squad. It's a drama, first and foremost, with extremely violent intermissions.

As a Tarantino loyalist, it hurts me to say that I wish the film had gone in the direction I expected. More run and gun, less plot and intrigue. I would have liked to learn more about the various members of the band, how they got their nicknames, where they are from, how they came to be recruited, and the various interactions among them as they cut their way through he Nazi lines. We got one solitary scene of that.

It's not a bad movie, just not the one I was hoping to see.

Rating: B-

AVP: Alien vs. Predator (2004)

Nice bit of distracting violence for a Saturday afternoon. Plot was decent, but it felt rushed. I think they could have drawn it out a little longer and made a better film.

Rating: C

We Are Legion: The Story of the Hacktivists (2012)

A documentary about the online community known as Anonymous. Very informative and entertaining. Sheds a different light on a group that has some very dark light normally shed on it. Definitely worth seeing if you are open to different viewpoints.

Rating: B-

Under The Same Moon (La Misma Luna) 2007

A story about a 9 year old boy crossing the border into the US from Mexico to find his mother. Immigration issues are indirectly addressed in a competent manner, without being overbearing about it. A noteworthy performance by the young boy.

Rating: C+

Town and Country (2001)

Hey, let's cheat on and screw everybody on screen. Crap.

Rating: F

The Interpreter (2005)

A thrilerless thriller with a nonsensical plot. A lot of serious acting in a film that doesn't deserve it.

Rating: D

Bill Cunningham New York (2010)

What a unique and interesting man. Bill is obsessed with fashion, in every sense of the word. He’s dedicated his life to photographing and documenting New York trends from a street perspective. The documentary filmmakers did a great job with his narrative. I’m not terribly interested in high fashion, but I never felt bored watching the movie.

Rating: C+

Speed Racer (2008)

I can hardly fathom how the Wachowski's can be responsible for amazing films like The Matrix and Bound, only two follow them up with two inferior Matrix sequels and then a massively disappointing car wreck of a film, Speed Racer. What happened?

 Regardless of whether they were going for an anime feel or pure camp, the film still needs to be entertaining. It failed miserably on that count. The characters are as two dimensional as the crappy cartoon this movie was based on. I was unable to root for the hero because I was too preoccupied wishing other characters dead. Only a bullet to the head of his mother, fat kid brother, and dumbass monkey could have turned things around for me.

Christina Ricci should have known better than to sign on for this abomination. She was better in Casper for crying out loud. 90% of the film is one giant green screen, and it shows. There's at least a full hour of actors reacting poorly to scenes that a computer is yet to create. The scriptwriters sat at the back of the bus while the FX guy drove it off a cliff. One of the worst films of the year.

Rating: F

The Weather Underground (2002)

Pretty interesting documentary. I felt smarter for watching it. Surprised I hadn't heard anything about this group before seeing this movie.

Rating: C+

Day of the Dead (1985)

I like that Romero's zombie movies have more to say than simply the the undead eating the living. They are closer to dramas that happen to have zombies as main characters. While I enjoyed Dawn of the Dead a little more, this was still an entertaining film. I like how the zombies have continued to evolve over the three films, as have the special effects, make up, and acting. [although the acting is still deplorable]

Rating: C+

Declaration Of War (La Guerre Est Déclarée) (2011)

A French film about a young couple whose baby develops a brain tumor. From the title, I was hoping for an action movie with lots of violence. Obviously I was disappointed. There are a lot of hospital visits, teary conversations, and cancer treatments to wade through before reaching the end. Don’t roll this one out at your next party.

Rating: D+

Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan (2006)

I saw this on the opening weekend, before the onslaught of opinions and water cooler talk had a chance to spoil it for me. I've never laughed so hard and felt so uncomfortable during the same movie. Some parts were pure genius, others were absolute disasters. So much has already been written about this movie, so I won't go into specifics. Prepare yourself for a good dose of male nudity, moronic Americans (of which we have no shortage), and crude; no, very crude humor.

Rating: B-

S.W.A.T. (2003)

A fun action movie. Nice development, plotline, action, suspense, etc. Solid cast and direction. A good time.

Rating: C+

World War Z (2013)

I had high expectations going in to this one. I’m a huge zombie fan, I read the book, and I knew they had a massive budget to work with. First off, the movie shares very little with the novel. I think they just wanted to use the title. The book wasn’t that great, so I had no qualms about a new storyline.

What did really bother me were the zombies. It’s like they took the infected from 28 Days Later, fed them crack, and then CGI’d the crap out of them. Apparently dying also gives them superhuman abilities. It was borderline ridiculous, and didn’t feel like a zombie movie at all. The story was ho hum and lacked any emotional depth. A very average zombie movie that should have been awesome.

Rating: C

Kimjongilia (2009)

A depressing documentary about North Korea. Is there any other kind? The film centers around the stories of people who successfully escaped. All their stories are tragic. The history of North Korea, government, and corruption is also explained. While difficult to watch, I found it very informative.

Rating: C+

Death Proof (2007)

Tarantino brings us another set of kick-ass girls in his highway to hell tribute to Grindhouse. I'll go on record now as saying this is not his best work, however it's still a great ride.

Rating: B-