Seven Psychopaths (2012)

Kind of a convoluted mess. The plot felt like it was put together with Scotch tape and twine.

Rating: D+

Captain EO (1986)

I saw this 3D throwback at Tokyo Disney, since the lines for everything else were really long. They show a making-of documentary while you wait in the lobby. The 3D effects are kind of cool, plus they blast you with water vapor and jerk your seat around, so it’s probably more fun to see this at Disneyland than sitting on your boring sofa at home. 

With that said, it’s more camp than fun. Most of the songs and dance routines are tired and lame. The monster turns into Anjelica Huston, who was supposedly hot back then. Don’t go out of your way to see this.

Rating: D

Frankenweenie (2012)

I’m not a fan of Tim Burton animated films, but I do appreciate his creativity. This was mildly entertaining for me, however, I’m sure fans of The Nightmare Before Christmas will love it.

Rating: C

The Deep Blue Sea (2011)

Grating violin music pierces through a monotonous opening sequence where the lead character attempts suicide. We’re then privy to a series of flashbacks that are supposed to show us how she arrived there. 

As the viewer, I really don’t care. The film hasn’t given me any reason to care at this point. And judging by how pretentious the scenes have been up to now, I wished she had succeeded in her life taking designs. 

So there’s an affair involved, of course. Overly dramatic conversations. Unlikeable characters. You know, all the things that make for a good time at the movies.

Rating: F

Robot & Frank (2012)

Three cheers for original movie ideas! Cool premise and  execution. Not every robot movie needs to be A.I. or I, Robot. Simpler is often better. I really enjoyed this one.

Rating: B-

[REC] (2007)

And….. exhale. I spent half the film holding my breath, and the other half covering my mouth to muffle involuntary screams. They’ve managed to use the documentary filming style and lost footage device to great effect in this Spanish thriller. Not since The Blair Witch Project have I felt such pangs of fear right alongside the cast.

Technically, this is a zombie flick, along the lines of 28 Days Later. The origin reveal at the end seemed a bit hokey to me, however, their patient zero nearly had me reaching for a change of underpants. Once things get underway, the pace is exceptionally fast. At under 80 minutes, I almost wish they had let the camera roll a little longer. I haven’t yet seen the Hollywood remake, but I have a feeling it won’t live up to the original.

Rating: B

Skyfall (2012)

Skyfall opens with a ridiculous chase scene between Bond and an unknown bad guy. At this point in the film, I have zero emotional investment, so my eyes are glazing over as motorcycles hop across rooftops like it’s the interstate.

This is the kind of chase scene that takes months to shoot, requires dozens of stuntmen, and an IQ lower than 7 to believe any of it is possible off screen. A good action film needs to be realistic enough so that I can at least give them the benefit of the doubt that what they are showing me is conceivable in real life. Otherwise, it’s pure fantasy and I could care less which characters live or die.

Frankly, I expected more from a Sam Mendes helmed Bond movie than rehashed plots and generic gun-play.

Rating: C-

The Bridge On The River Kwai (1957)

I found the general premise of this movie to be stupid. Making such a big stink over the officers not doing manual labor seemed very snooty, and frankly, “British” to me. I felt disdain for the characters they wanted me to care about, so it was of no consequence to me how they were treated by their evil Japanese captors. So now the officers get to play slave masters to their men instead of the Japanese guards? Hooray!

Additionally, old films are difficult to watch, as you have to endure things like night scenes, where it’s obviously mid-day, with shadows being cast from every object in the shot. Kwai is overly long and in dire need of a good edit. Additionally, the ending sucked. It’s as if the director abandoned everything he had spent the entire film convincing us to believe. What was the point.

Rating: D-

Dead Season (2012)

I liked the average Joe loner with a sledgehammer concept. However, he quickly meets up with a girl and a kid. They make their way to an island in hopes of finding a respite from the dead. Zombie interaction throughout the film is a bit cheesy. More like community theater volunteers than experienced living dead reenacters.

Gun shots sound like bubble wrap. Much of the acting is wooden. I do have to give them credit for being able to sacrifice the kid right off the bat. Most producers would balk at killing a tween less than 15 minutes in. Not a terrible zombie movie overall.

Rating: D+

Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs (2009)

Creative and fun. Entertaining for kids with plenty of grown up humor for adults. Sounds simple enough, except for the dumpster full of animated duds that have bombed in dramatic fashion. Well done.

Rating: C+

This Is 40 (2012)

I’m always up for a Judd Apatow movie. The writing is sharp, funny, and usually crude. He features the same cast of regulars that we all love and enjoy. The characters and situations are relatable. What’s not to like?

This Is 40 is a solid effort, but not among his best works. Certainly worth spending an evening with it though.

Rating: C+

Lilya 4-Ever (Lilja 4-Ever) (2002)

A depressing Swedish/Russian film about the sad, and increasingly worse, life of an abandoned teenage girl.

Rating: D