The Sessions (2012)

Gutsy performances for the two leads, especially Helen Hunt. Not a film for everyone.

Rating: C

A Knight’s Tale (2001)

A predictable MTV plot, but still a good time.

Rating: C+

Hellboy (2004)

I actually liked this Guillermo del Toro film better on the second viewing. It suffers from lack of a compelling storyline and a believable back story, which prevents it from being above average.

Rating: C-

Terribly Happy (Frygtelig Lykkelig) (2008)

A cop who makes poor decisions is sent to a town full of morons. Tough to weave a likeable story out of that, or enjoy a film when you are rooting against all the characters.

Rating: D

Carlos (Carlos The Jackal) (2010)

A miniseries about international terrorist Ilich Ramírez Sánchez, “The Jackal”. It was difficult to watch 245 minutes about an evil douchebag told from his perspective. I would much rather root for someone, like the people trying to bring him down, than root against him for the entire runtime. Certainly not worthy of an entire miniseries, even a dramatically edited version.

Rating: C

The Pacifier (2005)

It's basically a watered down version of Kindergarten Cop, which was a far more entertaining movie. Family action movies rarely work for the simple reason that they tone down the violence way too much. You never feel scared or even mildly worried in Pacifier, because the violence is cartoonish and weak. Ninjas crashing through a window to duke it out? Seriously!?! Who sends out ninjas anymore? You're far better off hearing Arnold say "It's not a tuma!" and then kicking some serious ass than watching this kiddie pool actioner.

Rating: D

City of God (Cidade de Deus) (2002)

Holy crap! I loved this film on so many levels. The way the story is told is pure genius. The acting is excellent. The performances from these kids are unreal. Everything is 100% believable. It feels like you're watching a documentary. One of the best movies I've ever seen.

Make sure to watch the 1 hour documentary on the DVD. At the end they show some live footage of police having a shootout with 10-13 year old boys carrying AK-47s. You may think that the truth is being stretched in the film, but that footage will change your mind. It's really that bad.

Rating: A+

Ponette (1996)

A French film about how a little girl copes with the death of her mother. While her performance is amazing, the movie itself is fairly plotless and slow.

Rating: D

The Island President (2011)

I’m not sure if this was readily apparent to anyone else watching the film, but it seems to me that the Maldives’ people already killed off their islands some time ago. Those opening shots of the populated islands are shocking. Every inch is covered with buildings, roads, and concrete. Perhaps the best course of action to “save” the islands is for them to become mostly covered by the sea and relocate those people to an area that has enough space to sustain their population. Manny environmental problems are addressed, such as decreased fishing levels, however it’s hard to pinpoint climate change as the culprit for all these ailments.

 A part of the film I really enjoyed was learning about the history of the country and how they successfully overthrew their POS former dictator. You just want to kick these guys in the nuts, but I guess that wouldn’t be democratically correct, even if that’s what they did to their political opponents in the past. They really have an uphill battle to save their country. No matter what changes citizens around the world make today, it’s unlikely any of it will have a significant impact on how climate change impacts the Maldives. Their time could be better spent scouting places to relocate their population to rather than fighting a losing battle with mother nature.

Two last things: Great soundtrack provided by Radiohead. And when you are off preaching green energy around the world, you should quit polluting the lungs of everyone around you with your secondhand smoke. Give up the cigarettes for crying out loud.

Rating: C

Lucky Number Slevin (2006)

A solid Pulp Fiction style crime thriller with great characters, acting, and a healthy dose of violence.

Rating: B-

House of 1000 Corpses (2003)

I would have been much better off not seeing this. It's been several hours, and my head still hurts. Story was mostly crap. Characters were shallow at best. Overly gory and violent. Much of it made no sense at all. The best part was the clown talking to the audience on the DVD menu.

Rating: F

I Am Love (Io Sono L'amore) (2009)

An Italian film that revolves around a wealthy family as they undergo various transitions in their lives. It’s slow, but not necessarily boring. There is some masterful camerawork going on. The camera almost becomes a character in the film.

Rating: C

The Five-Year Engagement (2012)

A familiar cast that we all know and love. Full of funny lines and situations. It’s not going to win any awards, but you will be well entertained. I can’t get enough Emily Blunt.

Rating: C+

Joe Dirt (2001)

Wow. Much better than I thought it would be. (I expected it to suck) Way more creative than it had any business being. Even Kid Rock's presence didn't bother me too much.

Rating: C

King Corn (2007)

A couple college grads with small town Iowa roots decide to raise an acre of corn, all the while documenting the process and where it ends up. Yet another movie that helps Americans increase their knowledge about where our food comes from. Of course, if even half of us had any idea, we would eat completely differently, which would then force a massive change in how its produced, resulting in a new wave of documentaries to cover that new trend.

Sadly, only a small percentage of Americans bother to watch these films, so change will only come in another decade or so after all the people eating this way since birth begin to suddenly, and dramatically, die off. But back to King Corn. It’s informative without being judgmental. Always a good thing. Another must see for America’s youth.

Rating: C+

The Chronicles of Riddick (2004)

The sequel to Pitch Black, with more connections to the first film than I anticipated. Plenty of action to hold your attention. A pretty good follow-up.

Rating: C+

Sound City (2013)

A documentary from Dave Grohl about the famous Sound City music studio and also the process of making music from the 70’s to the present. This is a real treat for music fans to watch. It’s packed full of big names and famous songs. Perhaps a little longer than it needed to be, but still enjoyable.

Rating: C+

Hackers Are People Too (2008)

A really low budget documentary on hackers that was very dry and boring. They took an interesting subject and dulled it down to the lowest common denominator.

Rating: D+

Lord of War (2005)

This is a somewhat dark little film with flashes of comedy, political soapboxing, and violence. It gives us a glimpse into the world of gun running on a large scale, or at least Hollywood's version of it. Either way, it's an entertaining tale.

Rating: C+

Spun (2002)

I liked the music video montages better than I liked the movie. Great soundtrack. As with most drug related movies, it failed to maintain a cohesive plot. I didn't connect with any of the characters.

Rating: D

Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead (2010)

Another fantastic health documentary that inspires as it entertains. Joe, the filmmaker and primary subject of the film, is an engaging host that doesn’t come off as preachy or judgmental. His own story is surpassed by a truck driver after a chance encounter on the road. Yet another movie that should be required viewing in American public schools.

Rating: B

God Grew Tired Of Us (2006)

A documentary about the Lost Boys of Sudan and the difficult transition relocating to the US. I enjoyed it very much and learned some things along the way. Fun to see how weird our everyday life is through their eyes after they first arrive.

Rating: B-

A Hard Days Night (1964)

I made an exception to my “Nothing Before 1970” rule because this film received a 99% on Rotten Tomatoes. I’m finding more and more that their scores are meaningless. A Hard Days Night is a plotless hodgepodge of obnoxious banter and annoying characters. The only respite comes from periodic Beatles songs, which are essentially 1960’s MTV music videos. Unfortunately, that’s not enough to carry an entire film. You’d do better to queue up their music on your iPod and leave this relic to the ages.

Rating: F+

One Life (2011)

Mostly reprocessed nature footage we’ve seen before in one facet or another, but with overly dramatic storylines added to create a compelling narrative where none really exists. Less a documentary and more of an animal reality show. If you've already seen the Earth series, than this is a waste of time.

Rating: D+

Hulk (2003)

I thought Ang Lee did a good job with story and character development. The action was pretty cool, especially how the Hulk bounds from place to place over great distances. It lost me a little at the end with the whole lake scene, but overall it was a decent action flick.

Rating: C

Humpday (2009)

One of the stranger indie comedies I’ve seen in some time. Mark Duplass has been in so many great films recently that I decided to give this one a try. Not one of his best projects. A flawed premise that likely started out as a short film and then was awkwardly stretched to feature length.

Rating: D

American Pie 2 (2001)

I saw the first, so I felt obligated to see the second. Some good laughs, lots of raunchy humor, sex, and all the crazy stuff that supposedly goes on at college that I never saw.

Rating: C

Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies (2012)

Yet another blasphemous zombie film I was forced to fast forward my way through. The bits that I let play were offensive to the art of film-making. This makes Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter look like a cinematic masterpiece.

Rating: F

Win a Date with Tad Hamilton! (2004)

Funny scenes throughout, but the plot was a little out there. An ok escape.

Rating: C

The Dungeon Masters (2008)

A documentary along the lines of Indie Game and Darkon. It’s about the real lives of several hardcore Dungeon Masters from the RPG Dungeons & Dragons. It was mildly entertaining, but also sad. The lives of most of these people are pretty depressing.

Rating: C

Scooby-Doo (2002)

I can count the number of funny scenes on one hand. The rest was very contrived, overdone, and plain not funny. If you really love Scooby Doo, stick with the old school cartoons.

Rating: D-

A Good Day To Die Hard (2013)

No surprises here. There’s a never-ending car chase which causes millions in damage and likely dozens of lives. You know, the type that has never happened in the history of human kind and never will, because it’s logistically impossible. The two McClain’s survive injuries that would put down a superhero. It’s an 80’s action flick with today’s technology and budget.

Rating: C-

Heckler (2007)

If there's one thing you can take away from Jamie Kennedy's documentary about hecklers and critics, it's that we should put more thought into our reviews and criticisms. Reviews like "This movie sucked!" or "Jamie Kennedy is a douche-bag" are the lowest common denominator when it comes to providing feedback. I'm sure I've lowered myself to that bar more times than I care to admit. So, in a sense, I feel Jamie succeeded in his pursuit to diminish, or at least improve the level of heckling in society.

Unfortunately, having had the opportunity to look behind the curtain at who Jamie K really is as a person, I found myself losing any respect I might have had for him. He assumes most of his audience, critics especially, are out to get him. That was never the case with me. Sure, he's no Steve Martin or Ben Stiller, but I never considered him an abomination like Bill Maher or John Lovitz.

In this film he confronts many of his harshest critics, which is a brave thing. But it's almost as if he's trying to make a case that critics should not exist at all, that people should feel sorry for disliking his material and then talking about it. I agree, hecklers are a-holes, and some critics go too far with their personal attacks. (Guilty!) But people should always be free to speak their mind. Just as he says that audience members should walk out of his show if they don't like his material, he should practice what he's preaching and not seek out negative reviews to read if he doesn't like what's being said about him.

For me, the best parts of the film are the many interviews by comedians, actors, and other celebrities. It's refreshing to hear them speak off the cuff. The last deleted scene, a story from Fred Willard, is one of the funniest parts, and should have been included in the film.

Rating: B-

Dukes of Hazzard (2005)

This was worse than I thought it would be. Having watched the original program religiously when I was a kid, I was deeply dissatisfied with the update.

Jessica sucked as Daisy. She could have at least watched the shows to see how her character was supposed to act. Or maybe she just can't act... Same goes for Bo and Luke. The original characters were thrown out the window. The only thing that did stay true to the original show was the General Lee. Add that to an unfunny script and a boring plot, and you have a debacle of a remake.

Rating: D-

Temple Grandin (2010)

I recall this winning a lot of awards, yet still not wanting to watch it because it looked like a Lifetime special. I’m glad I finally got around to seeing it. Temple Grandin is an autistic woman in real life, and this film tells her story. Claire Danes is amazing in the roll, as she is with all her onscreen performances. Definitely worth seeing.

Rating: C+

Ten Canoes (2006)

An Aboriginal tale told very slowly and tediously. And not a very interesting story to boot.

Rating: D

Last Night (1998)

The world is ending at midnight and the movie follows the final hours of its main characters. Kind of depressing, but slightly interesting. Puts you in a weird mood.

Rating: C

The Fairy (La Fée) (2011)

If this was supposed to be a comedy, it fails on all counts. Obnoxious characters, uninteresting dialogue, lame plot, and lazy editing. A much better French film along these same lines is Angel-A, directed by Luc Besson. Go see that and skip this mess.

Rating: F

Van Helsing (2004)

Terrible. Everything was terrible. From the script to the acting to the plot. Not even the special effect laden fight scenes can distract you from how bad the film is. AVOID!!

Rating: F

Saving Silverman (2001)

A very juvenile, low-brow comedy, but funny nonetheless. It might be worth seeing just for them performing in their Neil Diamond duds as "Diamonds in the Rough", a Neil Diamond cover band. Not every joke hits, but there are enough funny lines and general buffoonery to make it worth seeing.

Rating: C+

How To Live Forever (2009)

A documentary film about the process of aging, what has kept the oldest alive longer, and how some people are attempting to extend their lifespans. There was a lot of interesting information and stories, yet ultimately, I think the film shows that there are some basic universal longevity themes, but also some anomalies.

Rating: C+

Alex & Emma (2003)

I saw this one with the family, since my mom and sister really wanted to see it. I have to admit, it was enjoyable. Witty and funny.

Rating: C+

Kill Zombie! (Zombibi) (2012)

A fairly low budget zombie movie from The Netherlands. The special effects and makeup look like they were done by Nickelodeon. Most of the characters are annoying. Surprised at the amount of American references and slang throughout the dialogue. Not worth reading the subtitles to watch this.

Rating: D

Body Of Lies (2008)

A Syrianna-esque action/thriller that can be quite brutal at times. Involving the Jordanian Intelligence Agency was a good story device. DiCaprio is believable as a CIA operative. Locations and cinematography are what you'd expect from a Ridley Scott Film.

Rating: B-

The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)

Watched in the theater. Awesome! The story continues right where the first leaves off, without skipping a beat. The battle scenes and narrative were excellent. I loved the new characters/creatures etc. Looking forward to the third.

Rating: A-

Go Goa Gone (2013)

My first Indian zombie movie. Ok buildup and character development. The acting isn’t half bad, but the plot bogs down during the drawn-out island zombie attack. Better production value than you might expect, even if they do rely much too heavily on CGI effects.

This is in the zomcom genre, and while not everything lands, there are quite a few funny moments. It’s crazy how much American English slang has worked its way into the everyday Hindi language. Zombie fans might find this entertaining. Everyone else should steer clear.

Rating: D+

The Hammer (2007)

I've been a fan of Jimmy Kimmel and Adam Carolla's witty banter from back in their KROQ days. It's nice to see two dudes who I found funny continuing to hone their craft after all these years. I was really curious to see if Adam could pull off writing, directing, acting, and producing his own movie. Surprisingly, the answer is yes.

There's a Napoleon Dynamite or Nacho Libre vibe to the whole thing, only this is a semi-autobiographical story based on Adam's early years. His real life friend Ozzie is predictably authentic. Some things just can't be faked, and the bond these two have on screen is genuine and funny.

The story is your basic come from behind sports saga—it's the rapid fire jokes from Adam that sell the film. Sure, the acting is a bit rough in parts, but it's forgivable.

Rating: B

The Devil’s Rejects (2005)

For the record, I thought the first one sucked. House of A Thousand Corpses was a huge let down. Rejects is much better, but that makes it just average. It's overly violent and gory where it needn't be. The improvements from the first film come by way of acting and plot. This film allows for some good character development from the main villains. In the first film, you had no idea as to why things were happening on screen.

Devil's Rejects has been compared to Natural Born Killers, which is a far better movie story-wise. The camera work and editing has been greatly improved upon since Zombie's first flick. I think if he focuses more on telling a good story and less on being a sadistic whack-job, his next film will be even better.

Rating: C

Dawn of the Dead (1978)

After suffering through the complete garbage that Night of the Living Dead was, I had extremely low expectations for the sequel. Wow, was I ever wrong. It actually starts off fairly weak, but slowly completes a sea change into a great film.

Having already seen the remake, I had an idea of what to expect, but now I can see the remake was more of a retelling, as the original is still very original. The only real similarity between the two is that they end up in a shopping mall with zombies. Beyond that, they are two completely different films.

I have to admit, I thought the writing and plot twists in this film were much better than the remake. Much more goes into the underlying story. There's also great humor to be had, most of it dark. The acting is 100 times better than in Night of the Living Dead, although that's not saying much. A must see for any zombie fan.

Rating: B+

Armadillo (2010)

A Danish documentary about the day to day life of soldiers at a forward base in Afghanistan. I’m not sure if it was the film’s intended purpose, but it does a really good job of showing how pointless and sad the whole thing is. We send over our video game crazed frat boys, they get shot up, the locals get trampled down, and nothing changes. What a waste.

Rating: C-