Zack Snyder's Justice League (2021)

Even at four hours long, it still feels like massive amounts of backstory and plot development went missing. The film jumps from one scene to the next, glossing over plot holes and reason. It seems every devoted fanboy and girl has shut their collective brains off in fealty to Marvel, which continues to reward their devotion with one nonsensical film after the another. 

Rating: D+

Between Two Ferns: The Movie (2019)

About what you expect from a film based on a skit. Mildly entertaining. The bloopers at the end were the funniest part.

Rating: C-

Ralph Breaks The Internet (2018)

Creative and fun when it’s being creative and fun. More overbearing than the first in parts. The Disney princesses were a nice touch.

Rating: C

Fast & Furious (2009)

Like a moth to the flame, I return to this franchise knowing I'm going to fry my brain. The original cast is back together for some car chases and explosions. Terrible plot filled with holes. Dialogue sucked. Acting was mediocre at best. What did I expect?

Rating: D-

Wonder Woman (2017)

Mildly entertaining. The best bits were during the planning phase in London when character nuances had a chance to surface. But I had a running list of complaints.

Did it not dawn on them that if Ares never returned, they would all die off in a generation’s time, you know, since there were no men around to get them pregnant? 

Their home island made use of too much CGI. Might as well have been a cartoon. 

Training with real weapons would have surely led to accidental beheadings and dismemberment. Where were all the disfigured chicks who failed warrior academy? 

When WW dives into the ocean to save the pilot, she misses certain death on the rocks by a few feet. Does she have sonar? That’s not a dive I see them practicing. 

I don’t care how important your mission is. If you wash up on the shore of an island full of sexy Amazon ladies, your new mission is to enjoy every second of the rest of your life. 

One bad guy kills himself with cyanide to avoid giving up secrets whilst the others are knocked out, readily available for questioning. Do they bother? No.

Crossing No Man’s Land she deflects a few bullets with her wrist guards, but then hides behind her shield as the gatling gun starts. Um, how did her legs not get blown to bits? 

Why does WW’s sword never have any blood on it?

In the end, it turns out she’s basically invincible, which renders all previous action sequences meaningless. Everything leads up to two “gods” duking it out in a pointless fight. 

WW is victorious after she decides love can conquer all. Heavy stuff. 

Rating: D

Batman v Superman: Dawn Of Justice (2016)

I had no intention of seeing this since the entire concept seemed stupid. Superman is invincible. Batman is some dude in a suit. Pretty obvious how this would play out. However, I wanted to see Suicide Squad and discovered it was the third in a series, so I watched Man Of Steel and now this one.

The opening of BvS addressed one of my chief complaints about Man Of Steel and superhero movies in general—they always seem to destroy more stuff and kill more innocent people than if they’d just let the bad guy do his thing. So I liked that this was Bruce’s motivation for wanting to take out Superman.

My expectations for this film were very low. I gave Man Of Steel a ‘C’ and I predicted this would be worse. It wasn’t. BvS had more flair. The plot was more interesting. Sure, it came down to a big fight between the two costumed men at the end, but I guess that’s a requirement of the genre.

I watched the 3 hour extended version, which still felt like a lot had been edited out. I wasn’t bored and felt entertained most of the time. No small feat.

Rating: C+

Furious 7 (2015)

See my reviews for the last 3 or 4 films in this ridiculous franchise.

Rating: D

Fast & Furious 6 (2013)

It doesn’t look like they are going to stop making these, and I’m as much to blame as anyone. I’ve seen the first 5. I can’t help myself. This latest installment breaks all laws of physics, depicting action sequences that not even a highly Caffeinated teenage boys would believe. I watch these films to see what a 100+ million dollar budget looks like when it’s spattered across the screen. None of it will make sense, but it’s pretty to look at.

Rating: C-

Knight and Day (2010)

A bit of mindless fun if you don't look too deep. About as enjoyable as an average episode of Burn Notice. Diaz is getting too old to play cute. Cruz looks younger every year. Go figure.

Rating: C

Fast Five (2011)

I’ll bet if I was 7 this would be the greatest movie of all time. But as an adult, I can’t help wondering how I’m supposed to root for a group of people who do a billion dollars worth of infrastructure damage to the city of Rio, killing I don’t know how many countless innocent bystanders, all while stealing a bunch of money.

The acting was fair to poor. The stunts are beyond ridiculous. It might as well be a superhero movie, because each of the main characters would have died 10 times over in real life. It makes The Italian Job look like a documentary. At the same time, it looked and sounded amazing on Blu-Ray. It’s getting harder to check my brain at the door, but I still enjoy a seeing a 100 million+ dollars sprayed across the screen for my entertainment.

Rating: C