The Beekeeper (2024)

I’m always up for a good revenge flick. Okay, I’m always up for average revenge flicks too. Beekeeper walks a fine line between ridiculous and fun, with a lot of splashy violence. No regrets from my $10 Saturday matinee.

Rating: C+

The Hunger Games: Mockingjay - Part 2 (2015)

About as unsatisfying as Part 1. Bits of unrealistic action followed by long bouts of boring conversation. They could have done a lot more with the pods. The book has a lot for them to draw from. And what was with the multiple false endings. I thought the credits would never come. Way to end the series on a low note.

Rating: C-

The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1 (2014)

The third book was the weakest in the series, in my opinion. So breaking it up into two movies seemed a bit much. Part one is mostly setup for the big capital city breach. It’s filler.

Rating: C

Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant (2009)

Mostly watchable until the unfulfilling end. I'm not exactly sure who the audience for this film is, and I don't think the producers knew either. I was never scared, thrilled, humored, or compelled. It was mildly amusing and that's all. Pretty weak acting by the two teenage leads as well.

Rating: C-

The Polar Express (2004)

One of the worst animated features of all time. Period. It's a train ride straight to hell. You've been warned.

Rating: F

Epic (2013)

Pretty good as far as animated kid’s movies go. An updated Fern Gully of sorts, with a decent amount of action and creativity. But honestly, if it wasn’t for Aziz Ansari as the slug, I would have rated this much lower.

Rating: C

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (2013)

It followed the book quite closely and did a great job of bringing the story to life. Acting was all top notch, with my favorite still being Stanley Tucci. He’s glorious in that role. CGI and special effects were effectively used. They’ve handled the first two films adeptly, but they have their work cut out for them in the third.

Rating: B-

Red Dawn (2012)

Like the original, the premise is absolutely bonkers. There’s just no way North Korea, Russia, or any country can suddenly parachute into the US without us having advance notice. EMP device or otherwise. Secondly, no nation in their right mind would invade the US with troops on the ground, as there is nothing to be gained by it. As the movie alluded to in its opening montage, a real attack would be cyber, financial, terrorist, or missile.

So in this update, apparently the North Koreas and Russians have jointly invaded the US. Why? Who knows. My first thought was that this could simply be one long commercial for the NRA. Americans must have their guns to stem off a land based attack. It could happen. As the story progresses, we learn that the invading countries are concerned with our moral compass, and have expended untold resources (which they don’t have) in order to help us rebuild our culture to one more socially conscious? Seriously? A screenwriter actually wrote this crap?

The cast is pulled straight out of an episode of Dawson’s Creek. It was tough mustering any sympathy for whether they lived or died. We are asked to believe that these Ambercrombie dorks are supposed to save civilization after an afternoon of training in the woods.

Then out of nowhere comes a shoehorned Subway ad, further degrading the movie’s dignity. Subway is the absolute worst when it comes to product placement, bringing entire TV series to their knees with their flaccid six inch subs. But that’s not the point I’m trying to make. It’s that this movie was a war atrocity.

Rating: F

The Kids Are All Right (2010)

There were parts of this film I really liked and others that came off as formulaic. Performances were top notch all around. Possibly Oscar worthy. I'll bet there are a lot of female actors in Hollywood who wish they'd landed these roles. Meaty.

Rating: C+

The Hunger Games (2012)

Extremely hesitant about the making of this film, as I am with all great books that are reproduced on film. Casting is very strong, with standouts like Stanley Tucci as Cesar the host and Woody Harrelson as Haymitch. I had another candidate in mind as Katniss, but Jennifer Lawrence isn’t a bad choice, despite being too old for the role.

District 1 looks more like rural Kentucky than what I envisioned when reading, but the capital city shines in all its CGI glory. The film stays true to the book for the most part. The pacing is great. They do an adequate job leading up to the actual game. The hair, makeup, and costumes of the capital citizenry was spot on.

But my biggest concern, aside from the game environments looking stupid, was them watering down the kid on kid violence to Harry Potter levels. Now I knew this had to be a PG-13 film as I was reading the book. That didn’t stop me from dreaming of what a hard R version might be like though. Imagine the brutality of the Japanese Battle Royale, with the acting, source material, and production value of a Hollywood picture. It could be amazing.

So what did we get? Cutaways. Lots and lots of cutaways. A blade flashed. Cutaway. Blood flies. Cutaway. Body falls. It’s a shame studios don’t release multiple rated versions so appropriately aged audience members can choose to see the one that fits with their moral compass. (or level of blood lust) Still, they showed as much as they could get away with and I commend them for it. A solid effort overall. I’m curious to see what they do with the next game environment and Capital City siege. The next two books will be harder to convert.

Rating: B-

Zathura: A Space Adventure (2005)

I hate to admit it, but Robin Williams' Jumanji was much better. The concept was a good one, but I'm sure kids with greater imagination than adults might be more impressed than I was.

Rating: D+