Speed Racer (2008)

I can hardly fathom how the Wachowski's can be responsible for amazing films like The Matrix and Bound, only two follow them up with two inferior Matrix sequels and then a massively disappointing car wreck of a film, Speed Racer. What happened?

 Regardless of whether they were going for an anime feel or pure camp, the film still needs to be entertaining. It failed miserably on that count. The characters are as two dimensional as the crappy cartoon this movie was based on. I was unable to root for the hero because I was too preoccupied wishing other characters dead. Only a bullet to the head of his mother, fat kid brother, and dumbass monkey could have turned things around for me.

Christina Ricci should have known better than to sign on for this abomination. She was better in Casper for crying out loud. 90% of the film is one giant green screen, and it shows. There's at least a full hour of actors reacting poorly to scenes that a computer is yet to create. The scriptwriters sat at the back of the bus while the FX guy drove it off a cliff. One of the worst films of the year.

Rating: F

Ninja Assassin (2009)

Bloodier than I anticipated, and I anticipated buckets. Production is very slick. I had forgotten that the Wachowskis were involved. You get much more plot and back story than usual for this type of film. For what it was, I thought they pulled it off. Fight scenes looked amazing, especially on Blu-Ray. It's astonishing they got away with an R rating. A perfect action fix.

Rating: C+

The Wings of the Dove (1997)

The cinematography was great and I enjoyed the simple story, but I'll never warm up to the idea of a love story ending in tragedy, as this one did. I want to feel good at the end, not depressed.

Rating: C-