The Time Machine (2002)

 

I wish I could travel back in time and change the ending. I liked the story, special effects, and even the futuristic creatures. Very weak third act. 

Rating: C

The Beekeeper (2024)

I’m always up for a good revenge flick. Okay, I’m always up for average revenge flicks too. Beekeeper walks a fine line between ridiculous and fun, with a lot of splashy violence. No regrets from my $10 Saturday matinee.

Rating: C+

Zack Snyder's Justice League (2021)

Even at four hours long, it still feels like massive amounts of backstory and plot development went missing. The film jumps from one scene to the next, glossing over plot holes and reason. It seems every devoted fanboy and girl has shut their collective brains off in fealty to Marvel, which continues to reward their devotion with one nonsensical film after the another. 

Rating: D+

Dungeons & Dragons (2000)

Sad to see so many good actors in such a bad movie. Not since Dragonheart have I seen this kind of wasted talent in a dragon movie.

Rating: F

Red Sparrow (2018)

That was a long movie to sit through for a mostly unsatisfying end. If anything, it drives home the fact that if Trump went to Russia, it’s a lock that he was compromised and is owned by Russian Intelligence--aka, Putin.

Rating: D+

Assassin's Creed (2016)

A mental time-traveling action flick that’s facilitated by a complicated virtual reality machine. The plot is far too complicated and convoluted to be contained within the confines of a 2 hour movie. The execution was clunky and heavy handed. Also, this all takes place in Plot Hole City.

Rating: F+

Batman v Superman: Dawn Of Justice (2016)

I had no intention of seeing this since the entire concept seemed stupid. Superman is invincible. Batman is some dude in a suit. Pretty obvious how this would play out. However, I wanted to see Suicide Squad and discovered it was the third in a series, so I watched Man Of Steel and now this one.

The opening of BvS addressed one of my chief complaints about Man Of Steel and superhero movies in general—they always seem to destroy more stuff and kill more innocent people than if they’d just let the bad guy do his thing. So I liked that this was Bruce’s motivation for wanting to take out Superman.

My expectations for this film were very low. I gave Man Of Steel a ‘C’ and I predicted this would be worse. It wasn’t. BvS had more flair. The plot was more interesting. Sure, it came down to a big fight between the two costumed men at the end, but I guess that’s a requirement of the genre.

I watched the 3 hour extended version, which still felt like a lot had been edited out. I wasn’t bored and felt entertained most of the time. No small feat.

Rating: C+

Appaloosa (2008)

Terrific opening scene and story set up. I was truly excited to see how everything would unfold. Loved the idea of lawmen for hire coming into town ad setting up Marshall law. Then Rene Zellicker stepped off the train and everything went down the shitter.

Not only did she massacre the character she was playing, but she brought down every scene she was in. They literally could have hired any actress off the street to play that roll and the results would have been better. How Rene continues to get work while holding the title of worst actress in Hollywood is beyond me.

Rating: C

Margin Call (2011)

A fictionalized look at the beginnings of the recent financial crisis. Fine acting elevates a somewhat dry narrative.

Rating: C

Kingdom Of Heaven (2005)

If this film had come out a few years prior, it would have been a much bigger hit. But it didn't, and so after Gladiator, Troy, Alexander, and all the others, people simply got epic'd out. But not me. I love a good epic. And this one was solid. Ridley Scott directs a lengthy story in a huge film. Plenty of violent battles, booming sound, and gorgeous cinematography. It's not perfect, but it's a fun time.

Rating: B-