The Substance (2024)

 

Perhaps there were some life lessons to be learned from this movie, but the closing sequence will have erased them from your mind. There’s a decent story in the first half, which descends into a gonzo freak-fest in the second. Demi Moore put her whole self into this character. It’s something to behold, although you may wish you hadn’t. 

Rating: D+

Revenge (2017)

 

The pacing and cinematography will hold your attention, but the setup is a bit preposterous. I enjoy a good revenge flick as much as the next guy; this one was simply too implausible. 

Rating: C-

The Wild Robot (2024)

 

Creative and funny enough for adults to enjoy. They worked in some good messages for the kids. 

Rating: C+

Mountain Queen: The Summits Of Lhakpa Sherpa (2023)

 

What an incredible story of determination, grit, and overcoming adversity. People are capable of great things and shouldn’t be overlooked based on gender, ethnicity, or circumstance. The documentary is inspiring and informative. Grab a Kleenex at the end. 

Rating: B-

Beetlejuice Beetlejuice (2024)

 

I’m glad I watched the first one right before seeing the sequel. Tim Burton brought back a lot of the original characters and gimmicks. Crazy that Keaton basically looks the same after 36 years. Fun to see a continuation of the storyline. 

Rating: C+

Beetlejuice (1988)

 

First time seeing this since I was a young teenager. Fun walk down memory lane. The movie holds up. I don’t remember Keaton’s character being so perverted. Doubt my parents would have approved me seeing it back then. Tim Burton’s stamp is all over this film. The ridiculous gags are part of the fun. Going to watch the sequel right now. 

Rating: B-

Alien: Romulus (2024)

 

The franchise came up with some creepy versions of the space monsters. It’s stress inducing to watch, but mostly empty calories. 

Rating: C+

The Killer’s Game (2024)

 

I don’t necessarily mind that I’ve already seen a bunch of movies where hitmen try to take out a top hitman. It just needs to be entertaining. Killer’s Game had moments. Started losing interest toward the end. 

Rating: C-

The Platform (2019)

 

My thoughts turned to Cube and SFW as I watched this Spanish puzzle play out. It’s certainly frustrating that no mysteries are revealed, but the execution of the concept was very well done. I heard the sequel sucked.

Rating: C+

Twilight Of The Warriors: Walled In (2024)

 

Set in the walled city of Kowloon, Hong Kong in the 80s; gangs duke it out for turf control and revenge. There is a lot of Chinese quirkiness to overlook, but it’s an ok watch. Fight scenes sometimes bordered on ridiculous. 

Rating: C

The Batman (2022)

 

Gave this a watch because I wanted some extra backstory for HBO’s The Penguin series. It was quite long, but entertaining enough. 

Rating: C

Twisters (2024)

 

A fun one to see in the theater. Nothing special plot-wise. 

Rating: C

Thelma (2024)

 

The film is torn between being an elder action flick and a study on the process of aging. They should have leaned into the former. 

Rating: C

Kill (2023)

An Indian bloodbath. One of the most violent films I’ve seen in some time, and that’s saying something. Crazy fight scenes full of creative deaths. The amount of punishment our hero takes, while continuing to fight to the end, is pretty unrealistic. But if you choose to watch this, I’m sure you’ll be willing to overlook it, like I did. 

Rating C+

Kingdom Of The Planet Of The Apes (2024)

 

It’s an ok addition to the franchise, but didn’t have the same level of storytelling that some of the earlier ones did. One way to kill a Tuesday night. 

Rating: C

Babes (2024)

 

A pretty raw having-a-baby film, but funny. Not for the squeamish. 

Rating: C+

A Quiet Place: Day One (2024)

 

The previous films did a much better job of telling a story that made you connect with the characters. In this prequel, the main character is dying anyway, so it’s hard to care about her welfare. It’s telling that most of the theater had more concern for her cat’s well being. 

Not much story either. They are risking life and limb to grab a slice at an obviously bombed out pizza place? How is the viewer supposed to get pumped about that? Outside of a few jump cuts and creature scares, not much happened. 

Rating: C-

The End We Start From (2023)

 

An interesting semi-post-apocalyptic premise that had some nice narrative flourishes. But like the city, the story got bogged down, with very little happening. I appreciate good dialogue and characters, but stuff needs to actually happen. It’s a shame they didn’t do more with it. 

Rating: C-

Hit Man (2024)

 

The secret agent storyline was fun and the female lead is sexy as hell, but the ending didn’t sit well with me. 

Rating: C+

Boy Kills World (2023)

 

Great title. Decent premise. The script is too manic for my taste. Would have preferred they play it more straight. Fewer hallucinations, video game sound fx, and jump edits. A lot of people die in the most heinous ways. Felt overkill, especially considering the twist ending. You are left with no one to root for. 

Rating: D+

Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga (2024)

 

At 2 ½ hours, it’s an action movie with some depth to it. I appreciate a good dose of character development to go with a violent story. Furiosa, more than any of the other Mad Maxes, did a great job of fleshing out the post-apocalyptic world. There is order to the madness, and consequences when that order is disrupted. This origin story is better than Fury Road. 

Rating: B-

The Fall Guy (2024)

 

I enjoyed the first half, which was cute and fun. The plot unraveled in the second half, culminating in a ridiculous final act. Having watched the original show as a kid, I was hoping they’d do it justice. Still, it’s hard not to “fall” for Emily and Ryan on screen. 

Rating: C

Billy And Molly: An Otter Love Story (2024)

 

Absolutely gorgeous to watch, but also sweet and emotional. A lovely story of man interacting with nature in a way that benefits both. I’d love to know how this film was made. Did Billy contact the National Geographic folks the moment he discovered Molly? I’d love to see the documentary about the documentary. At any rate, it was a joy to watch. 

Rating: B

Arcadian (2024)

 

Too many inconsistencies in a plot that doesn’t really go anywhere. Not much better than a B movie. Poor execution of a mediocre idea. 

Rating: D

In The Land Of Saints And Sinners (2023)

 

Irish baddies in the 70s get what’s coming to them in a small, rural town. There’s some good character development and acting to be seen. 

Rating: C+

Love Lies Bleeding (2024)

 

Grimy characters behave poorly in a dark tale of muscles, guns, and dysfunction. For a second there I thought this might have been the origin story for She-Hulk: Attorney At Law. 

Rating: C-

The Last Stop In Yuma County (2023)

 

Some innocent and not-so-innocent folks make all the wrong choices in a Yuma diner, resulting in terrible consequences. Never be a hero. Never take the money. 

Rating: C

Into The Forest (2015)

 

Disappointing as far as a post-apocalyptic tales go. It’s frustrating to watch people make basic mistakes that lead to their ruin. They had so many things going for them, yet ended up in a situation at the end of the film that will likely end with three frozen bodies in the woods. 

I also didn’t understand how the roof of such a magnificent home could suddenly develop so many leaks and cave in within like 7 months!?!?

Rating: C

The Ministry Of Ungentlemanly Warfare (2024)

 

Guy Ritchie’s version of Inglourious Basterds. Plenty of action, but missing some of the verbal pizazz of Tarantino. 

Rating: C+

Cold Meat (2023)

 

Not much of a plot. It’s a two person play that takes place inside a car. A few suspenseful moments wasn’t enough to win me over. 

Rating: D+

Monkey Man (2024)

 

This was clearly a passion project of Patel’s. It’s an anti-hero story full of pain, sadness, and revenge. The film is dark and full of violence. Not something that will appeal to the masses. Sure is something though. 

Rating: C+

Dune: Part Two (2024)

It was fine. I had to watch some recap videos to remember what happened three years ago in the first one. The sequel doubled down on the holy prophecies and sand worms.

How does one board their entire clan on one of those things anyway? How do you get off? How do you steer them? How do you stop the worm from going underground? Don’t bother asking these questions. The movie has no answers. It’s fine. 

Rating: C

Mayhem! (Farang) (2023)

This French Thai film scores very high on the list of top revenge flicks. I appreciated the backstory and character development before the blood spray from some excellent fight scenes erupted. 

Rather surprised they got permits to shoot this script in Thailand, as it portrays the extremely seedy underbelly lurking around every corner. It’s not all doom and gloom though. There are many vivid and heartwarming scenes of everyday Thai life, people, food, and traditions. Quite well made. 

Rating: B

Civil War (2024)

Seeing this on a big screen with an incredible sound system really added to the tension of the story. We live in a divided America, and it’s not much of a stretch to see things becoming violent. Whether or not that could manifest into an organized, militaristic attack is yet to be seen. But seeing this director’s vision of what it might look like makes me really hope it doesn’t. 

I felt like the storytelling was even keeled–not preachy about which side was right or wrong. It’s more of a both-sides-lose situation. One thing is for sure. If shit hits the fan and society breaks down, don’t take a cross country road trip. Hunker down with people you trust. Have resources to self-sustain. Thank me later. 

Rating: B-

Drive-Away Dolls (2024)

How is this a Coen Brothers film? How did they get Matt Damon and Pedro Pascal to debase themselves with cameos? Was this supposed to be a comedy? It wasn’t funny. Was it supposed to be a sexy lesbian romp? No heat or chemistry at all. A dark thriller? This flick had zero pulse. 

Total disappointment. Complete flop. 

Rating: F

Mayhem (2017)

Virus causes folks to get homicidal in an office setting. Came off too much like a B movie. Poor execution across the board. Meaningless violence alone won’t save your film. 

Rating: D-

Self Reliance (2023)

Loved the concept. The setup in the first third of the film was excellent. Anna Kendrick was cute and fun. I just wish they had committed to the story and had a few more dangerous encounters that were less corny. A slow reveal to his family and friends would have been funny and cathartic. 

Instead, the game became too much of a joke without any real consequences for breaking the rules. I would have loved to see the viewers perspective–those tuning into the dark web D.O.G. show. The final act was all over the place. Real shame. 

Rating: C

Orion And The Dark (2024)

With Charlie Kauffman calling the shots, I kind of hoped it would be weirder. Some cute moments and themes, but mostly straightforward with a bit of cheese. 

Rating: C-

American Fiction (2023)

A clever twist on African American stereotyping in film, but also a story of a typically dysfunctional family coming together in their own way. It doesn’t feel like a comedy, but I laughed out loud a lot. Smartly written and well acted. 

Rating: B-

The Promised Land (Bastarden) (2023)

What a fantastic historical drama from Denmark. Mads is brilliant as always. Amanda Collin, who played Mother in HBO’s Raised By Wolves is also terrific. It’s a battle of wills, where no one escapes unscathed. It’s a film that will engage and move you. 

Rating: B+

The Greatest Night In Pop (2024)

A behind-the-scenes musical documentary for the song 'We Are The World'. As a music lover, I enjoyed seeing the drive and collaboration to make this thing happen. It certainly wasn’t easy. Fun to see all these stars gathered in one place. It’s not groundbreaking cinema, but certainly entertaining to watch and listen. 

Rating: C

Poor Things (2023)

I’m not particularly fond of Yorgos Lanthimos’s work, but I was intrigued with the award nominations and Emma Stone, so went to see it with my cousin. Captivating and often funny, but seemed way too focused on her sexual awakening. Multiple people got up and left the theater midway through. 

Emma’s performance was pretty spectacular. I’m sure many would say brave. She put it all out there. Not for the squeamish. 

Rating: C

The Beekeeper (2024)

I’m always up for a good revenge flick. Okay, I’m always up for average revenge flicks too. Beekeeper walks a fine line between ridiculous and fun, with a lot of splashy violence. No regrets from my $10 Saturday matinee.

Rating: C+

Albert Brooks: Defending My Life (2023)

As a moderate fan of Albert, it was interesting to see his body of work critiqued by himself and others. There is nothing exciting or unique about the documentary itself. Reiner plays a series of interviews and clips. The end. 

Rating: C

The Holdovers (2023)

 

I love watching Paul Giammati act so much. This was a terrific role for him to slip into. A nice film for a quiet winter’s day. 

Rating: B-

Please Don't Destroy: The Treasure of Foggy Mountain (2023)

 

Not as dumb as some reviewers suggested. Not as funny as other reviewers made it out to be. 

Rating: C

Loop Track (2023)

 

A New Zealand thriller, of sorts, where the baddie is ever slowly revealed to those who don’t believe it exists. Most of the film is a slow buildup, but to me, this kiwi juice wasn’t worth the squeeze. 

Rating: C-

Thanksgiving (2023)

 

The full length Thanksgiving horror film inspired by Tarantino's Grindhouse, I guess. Mostly dumb and predictable, with needless gore. 

Rating: D-

Silent Night (2023)

 

The movie is called Silent Night and the lead is “silent” after catching a bullet in the throat. I get the pun. But why does everyone else in the film have to be mute? It’s weird that his wife never talks to him. That she’s ok with him buying a Mustang, artillery, a really expensive camera, etc while she’s holding down a remedial job. Where is all that money coming from? 

John Woo leaves all these plot holes uncovered in pursuit of a big revenge finale that plays more like a MAGAtard’s wet dream. Karanan had no business signing onto this eyesore. 

Rating: F 

The Iron Claw (2023)

 

Morale of the story, avoid fake wrestling at all costs and anyone who spends time watching it. I’ve never understood why people tune in to watch a bunch of roided out beefcakes pretend-fight each other. Then again, a third of our nation is functionally retarded. (this happens to overlap on a venn diagram with Trump supporters) 

The acting and commitment to their rolls was impressive. But the movie is such a downer filled with one bad decision after another. 

Rating: C-