The Avengers (2012)

I made a fatal error before watching this latest super-budget superheroes movie. I became aware that it received rave reviews. With artificially raised expectations, I went in hoping for something on par with the first two X-Men films.

Sadly, it was ludicrous from the opening scene. Cheesy dialogue and glowing cubes of power. Run-of-the-mill Marvel schlock. ScarJo is appropriately hot in her skintight leather fighting suit, but her expertise as a trained killer is about as believable as Zeus’ brother teleporting through a wormhole to our planet in order to take it over.

The plot is trite and tired. Not even Stark’s snark can save it. What really bothers me about almost all superhero movies is that a clean headshot from a sniper would bring an abrupt end to all the crime fighting. I’m looking at you Captain America. Avengers is filled to the brim with unrealistic CGI fights and battles. It’s a repackaged Transformers movie. A few steps away from being a cartoon.

Rating: D

Ponyo (Gake No Ue No Ponyo) (2008)

Ponyo is the daughter of a creepy merman overlord who becomes infatuated with her boy captor/rescuer. Nobody seems particularly concerned that she has a human face. After being returned to the sea, she escapes and goes on a stalking spree that nearly wipes out the boy’s town from a tsunami. Anyway, the fate of mankind and the balance of nature depends on a 5 year old's true love of a fish girl. Yeah, the whole thing is ridiculous.

Rating: D

Tucker and Dale vs Evil (2010)

Having enjoyed their various exploits on the small screen, it’s a comedic delight to watch Tyler Labine and Alan Tudyk together in a feature length film. The script is arguably ridiculous—purposely so. It riffs on myriads of horror flicks that have gone before it. What’s great is the goofy banter between Tucker and Dale as they unknowingly stumble into the mistaken identities of two psychopathic killers. Not the greatest ending, but overall it was a fun time.

Rating: C

Stuck on You (2003)

Plenty of laughs and well acted. If you'd like a more serious take on conjoined twins, go check out Twin Falls, Idaho. That's a good one too.

Rating: C+

Life as a House (2001)

Life as a House is a wonderful, moving film. Kevin Kline and Kristen Scott Thomas are at their very best. Hayden Christensen has never been better. His crap role in Star Wars was the exact opposite of his performance in this one. Loved Jena Malone's character as well.

Loved it. Loved it. Loved it.

Rating: A

Warriors of the Rainbow (Sàidékè Balái) (2011)

Brutal piece of history between the Chinese and Japanese over the island of Taiwan. Not really a movie where you root for one side or the other. It’s an epic you watch unfold whilst cringing at endless decapitations. The violence is intense and lengthy. One of the bloodiest films I’ve ever seen, and that’s saying something.

The visuals are spectacular. Ancient Taiwan is full of vivid colors and gorgeous landscapes. Acting was natural and authentic. These 2 films were a major undertaking. With a run-time of close to 5 hours, I can’t say it was under-edited or slow. As far as historic epics go, this is a great one.

Rating: B

Frost/Nixon (2008)

I tend to avoid period dramas, like The King’s Speech, even though they usually end up being good. I simply don’t get as excited for historical reenactments as I do for an action movie. So even though I forced myself to finally sit down and watch Frost/Nixon, I really did enjoy it.

Excellent screenplay and editing. They elevate what could be considered dull material to the level of entertainment. Stellar cast and acting. It’s not a film I’m going to rush out and see again, or ever for that matter, but you’ll be glad you viewed it once, even if you were forced into it.

Rating: B

High Plains Drifter (1973)

I have to admit, I didn’t foresee an opening where Clint Eastwood rapes some mouthy broad in a barn. If he’s not the hero of the movie, who is? The town of cowards gives him the run of the place in exchange for helping them fend off three vengeful outlaws. He takes on a dwarf sidekick to do his bidding. It’s all very strange. I prefer my westerns with more traditional plots, sans literary references to The Scarlett Letter or winks at posthumous ghost cowboys looking for revenge.

Rating: D+

Inside Job (2010)

Inside Job was exactly what it needed to be; informative and clear while holding viewers’ attention. Most documentaries fail to do this. These are complicated issues, and the film’s biggest accomplishment was breaking them down into terms the average moviegoer can understand.

If you are like me, you probably wanted to reach into your screen and smack these guys around (or worse) during their interviews as they sidestepped questions and pretended not to understand how things went wrong. It’s hard to feel hopeful about any real change happening when the corrupt system is supported by one administration after another.

This should be mandatory viewing at every high school in the country.

Rating: B

Dead Alive (Braindead) (1992)

Holy crap, what a gory mess! Certainly one of the bloodiest zombie movies I’ve ever seen, but since the violence was so over-the-top cartoony nonsense, it was more laughable than scary.

Peter Jackson produced some pretty jacked up films at the beginning of his career. Case in point, the puppet abomination Meet The Feebles. But, out of that twisted mind came the cinematic genius we have today. Worth checking out for the old school special effects, or if you’re having friends over for a Halloween party.

Rating: C-

Kill List (2011)

As far as hit man movies go, this is a strange one. I’d compare the tone to that of Sexy Beast, but obviously more British. Kill List is artistically confusing, which is another way of saying you’ll be frustrated for most of the film. Normally things are explained at the end, so at least you leave somewhat satisfied. Not Kill List. Get ready for an ending from left field that will leave you wondering what the F happened.

Rating: D-

A Separation (Jodaeiye Nader az Simin) (2011)

An intriguing story that gives the rest of the world a glimpse into Iranian society. Outstanding performances by the entire cast. Ultimately it ends poorly for everyone. I’m not a big fan of depressing endings. Despite that, I still recommend seeing it.

Rating: C+

The Alamo (2004)

For some reason I felt like I was watching a high school play for much of the movie. Most of the characters seemed shallow and loosely sketched from the history books. The battle scenes were pretty cool, but that wasn't enough to hold the movie together.

Rating: D+

Badlands (1973)

An early Terrance Mallick film starring Martin Sheen and Sissy Spacek. Both fine performances. Very odd film with an almost hypnotic voiceover from Sissy’s character. Striking visuals and cinematography.

Rating: C+

The Other Guys (2010)

Laughed the entire movie. Nice seeing McKay branch out into action comedies. Kevin Smith should take note—THIS is what you should have been aiming for when you made Cop Out. Instead you sprayed us with rancid feces.

I could watch Will Farrell all day. He's firing on all cylinders here. The other characters are given great lines too. The plot was a little thin, but does it really matter in these types of movies? Fun and Funny.

Rating: B

Glory (1989)

From the opening scene, I couldn’t help but think, “What a bunch of morons!”. Surely men weren’t so stupid back then as to walk straight into their enemies bullets and cannon fire without so much as a strategy or defense? Get behind a freaking tree for heaven’s sake!

I’ve heard it’s an honorable way to fight, but is it honorable to lead men into a massacre? During the scenes that did not involve fighting, it felt more like a high school production. Very heavy handed and a lot of overacting.

Rating: C-

Sunshine Cleaning (2008)

The crime scene clean-up is just background to a great character driven piece. It's deserving of the many positive reviews I heard before finally renting the DVD. A nice little indie drama.

Rating: B-

The Secret World of Arrietty (Kari-gurashi no Arietti) (2010)

Arrietty is the story of a family of creepy little people that live in the walls and steal for a living. It’s a mystery why spiders haven’t sucked out their insides yet. Despite being the size of large bugs, they can still use their miniature vocal chords to carry on a normal conversation with a human across the room.

The human boy in the story secretly wants to get it on with teeny tiny Arrietty. He actually gets her into his bed after their first conversation. Alas, his wiener is the size of her entire body. To show his love, he nearly kills her family by renovating their home with them still inside. Then he spouts off about death and the end of the world. He’s a creepy sick kid.

But it’s the housekeeper who beats them all. She’s a complete psychopathic loon who gets her rocks off terrorizing the little people for her amusement. In the end, the minis move away for no apparent reason. Roll credits.

Rating: D

Idiocracy (2006)

Does anyone else see the bitter irony here but me? It took the man responsible for helping to dumb down America via Beavis & Butthead to help us see just how dumb we are getting. This is one of the funniest movies I've seen in a long time. It's not difficult to believe in the possibility of this hypothetical future he has created.

While I don't see ignoramuses ruling the world anytime soon, I think he does proffer some good points. So grab a tub of buttery corn and enjoy this DVD, but make sure to read a few books after. For the sake of mankind.

Rating: B-

The Hunger Games (2012)

Extremely hesitant about the making of this film, as I am with all great books that are reproduced on film. Casting is very strong, with standouts like Stanley Tucci as Cesar the host and Woody Harrelson as Haymitch. I had another candidate in mind as Katniss, but Jennifer Lawrence isn’t a bad choice, despite being too old for the role.

District 1 looks more like rural Kentucky than what I envisioned when reading, but the capital city shines in all its CGI glory. The film stays true to the book for the most part. The pacing is great. They do an adequate job leading up to the actual game. The hair, makeup, and costumes of the capital citizenry was spot on.

But my biggest concern, aside from the game environments looking stupid, was them watering down the kid on kid violence to Harry Potter levels. Now I knew this had to be a PG-13 film as I was reading the book. That didn’t stop me from dreaming of what a hard R version might be like though. Imagine the brutality of the Japanese Battle Royale, with the acting, source material, and production value of a Hollywood picture. It could be amazing.

So what did we get? Cutaways. Lots and lots of cutaways. A blade flashed. Cutaway. Blood flies. Cutaway. Body falls. It’s a shame studios don’t release multiple rated versions so appropriately aged audience members can choose to see the one that fits with their moral compass. (or level of blood lust) Still, they showed as much as they could get away with and I commend them for it. A solid effort overall. I’m curious to see what they do with the next game environment and Capital City siege. The next two books will be harder to convert.

Rating: B-

The Royal Tenenbaums (2001)

Another odd comedy from Wes Anderson, following a similar cinematic style as Rushmore. Even the music selections are related. Great cast and off-the-wall characters. For those that like their comedy dark, quirky, and over the heads of mainstream America, this is your movie. I liked it.

Rating: C+

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly (Le Scaphandre et le Papillon) (2007)

The cinematography and camerawork is masterful. You are sucked right into the body of a paralyzed man, which isn’t exactly a comfortable place to be. It was difficult to watch at times, putting yourself in his shoes. Top notch acting. The story is told expertly through snippets and flashbacks. The pace is slow and can be a bit of a downer, but it’s certainly a film to be seen.

Rating: B-

2 Fast 2 Furious (2003)

I liked the original better, but still had fun watching this one. My entire house was thumping from the fantastic sound on the DVD. If you aren't feeling a movie like this instead of just watching it, then its faults will get in the way of your viewing pleasure.

Acting was very poor. Ludacris gave the best performance in my opinion. Great car racing scenes and plenty of action. I thought the short movie prequel on the DVD was a great idea... linking both movies together.

Rating: C