Hamilton (2020)

Glad I didn’t fork over hundreds of dollars to see this very long history lesson in person. Lin’s singing is overly whiny. All the songs feel like a run-on sentence put to music. One bleeds into the next. Most of them sound the same. None are particularly any good.

As a movie it’s a fail because it’s not a movie. It’s your mom’s footage from your high school play, but with higher production value. This is a case of people needing something to be good because they just severely overpaid to see it. Their only mission? To sucker others into overpaying so they aren’t the only fools that had their money separated from them.

Had I been dragged to see this I would have been asleep within 3 songs.

My one line synopsis: Theater nerds speed read encyclopedia over bland beats for nearly 3 hours.

Rating: F

Crip Camp (2020)

Documentary showing how a hippie camp for disabled kids up in the Catskills helped kick off the movement that brought about the American Disabilities Act. I saw a lot of parallels to protests happening today around police brutality and Black Lives Matter--people still trying to get old white guys to let them have civil rights and equality. Change is slow.

Rating: B-

Palm Springs (2020)

Groundhog’s Day meets Wedding Crashers. Dark, dirty, and fun.

Rating: B-

The Old Guard (2020)

Gave this a spin without knowing anything going in. Fun concept that I won’t spoil here. Things unraveled by the third act, per usual, but I’d probably watch a sequel.

Rating: C

McFarland, USA (2015)

“This is going to come down to which runners can handle the pain.”

I ran 4 years of cross country back in the day, and this was the truest line in the film. In other sports, who wins generally comes down to talent and strategy. In distance running, it comes down to talent and the ability to endure pain and suffering.

Over the last three decades, I’ve pushed through enormous amounts of pain while running. It’s a trait that can help you survive other hardships in life.

This Disney movie based on real life events is a bit uneven and tone deaf, but follows a tried and true formula which satisfies. I also appreciated the positive spotlight it shines on the currently maligned immigrant community. We were so innocent back in 2015, completely unaware of the racist shitshow on the horizon.

Rating: C+

Game Of Death (2017)

There’s enough character development at the start of the film to establish an extreme dislike for this group of douchebag friends who stumble upon a Jumanji-like game. Only, instead of an animal adventure, they are forced to kill or be killed.

How does the game execute players if they don’t kill quick enough? It (and this part is never explained) causes their heads to explode. More often than not, brain matter is splattered onto the faces of everyone nearby, like the front row of a Gallagher show.

It’s gruesome and pointless. A movie like this needs to be much funnier, more creative, and have more likable characters. Everyone loses here.

Rating: D-

Blood Quantum (2019)

Zombie outbreak occurs on a Canadian Indian reservation. The twist? Natives are immune. Their reservation becomes the only safe place to live. The film doesn’t hold back on gore. Some creatively gruesome deaths.

Rating: C

Alone Wolf (2020)

Low budget indie in the agoraphobia genre. Feels more like a stage play. Not enough happens to keep you engaged. Ending was lackluster.

Rating: D+

Top 10 TV Shows Based On Movies

Top 10 TV Shows Based On Movies

Rank	TV Series	Grade	Movie
1	Westworld	A	Westworld
2	Hanna	A	Hanna
3	Hannibal	A	Hannibal
4	Fargo	A-	Fargo
5	What We Do In The Shadows	B	What We Do In The Shadows
6	Friday Night Lights	B+	Friday Night Lights
7	Cobra Kai	B+	The Karate Kid
8	The Mandalorian	B-	Star Wars
9	The Dead Zone	C+	The Dead Zone
10	Snowpiercer	C+	Snowpiercer
10	The Purge	C+	The Purge

 

Top 10 Movies Based On TV Shows

Top 10 Movies Based On TV Shows

Rank	Title	Year	Country	Grade
1	Deadwood	2019	US	B
2	Downton Abbey	2019	England	B
3	The Equalizer	2014	US	B-
4	Serenity	2005	US	B-
5	Veronica Mars	2014	US	C+
6	El Camino: A Breaking Bad Movie	2019	US	C+
7	The Equalizer 2	2018	US	C+
8	Mission: Impossible III	2014	US	C+
9	S.W.A.T.	2003	US	C+
10	21 Jump Street	2012	US	C

 

Love Birds (2011)

Typical goofy New Zealand humor with a young Rhys Darby in the lead role. The quirky love story is hard not to like. It doesn’t hurt if you also enjoy ducks and the music of Queen. I do. 

Rating: C+

Togo (2019)

I thought this was going to be a cartoon for some reason. Glad it wasn’t. The heroic tale of Togo, a lead sled dog which helped save the lives of many by delivering a vaccine through the harsh Alaskan wilderness in the dead of winter. It’s family friendly, but thrilling enough to make your stomach nervous.

Rating: C+

Beastie Boys Story (2020)

Full disclosure: I’ve been a Beastie Boys fan all my life. For a long time they were my favorite band. I’ve seen them live multiple times and listen to their stuff as much now as I did back then. So yeah, I was pumped for this.

Pumped and completely biased, as I believe all critics and journalists should be. Oh, you don’t like your human journalists to have opinions and biases that trickle into their work? That’s too bad, go get your news from a ferret then.

Back to the movie. It’s an absolute thrill listening to Mike and Adam regale a live audience, and us viewers by extension, with stories from their youth; casually name dropping dope ass punk bands they saw in their early teens like Bad Brains, Misfits, and Circle Jerks. Why didn’t I get to grow up in New York City mom? WHY?!?!

The documentary plays in real time, and was filmed on the last night of their Broadway show. Mike and Adam talk to the audience and then Spike Jonze rolls video clips. Did you know Beastie Boys opened for Madonna on her very first tour? Neither did I. There’s some mind blowing stuff in this thing.

They were just some dumb kids who stumbled into fame and went with it. They made mistakes along the way and learned from them. It's a fun two hour ride. I had a smile on my face the whole time. If you are a fan of the B-Boys, you will too.

Rating: B

It Follows (2014)

Scary movies give me a lot of anxiety, yet still I watch. It Follows is essentially a sexually transmitted curse that follows the recipient in the form of a person who is constantly walking towards them. Get caught--murdered. Intriguing concept. 

I was curious about the rules surrounding this transforming predator that only the cursed can see. Is it simply invisible? Can it hurt others? Can it interact with the physical world? Does the speed at which it walks correspond with the distance and time people are traveling in the movie?

All of these things matter to me because I HATE lazy story writing. Thankfully these questions were answered and I was satisfied with their treatment.

The scares come at you through sneaky jump cuts, disturbing music, and heart pounding attacks. I would have liked a more satisfying ending. A movie can jump an entire grade or more if it ends strong.

Rating: C+

Downton Abbey (2019)

Like most movies released as a bookend to a successful TV series, Downton Abbey appeals to an established fan base; me included. I adored every episode of the British series and the feature film was a fun walk with the characters down memory lane. They mostly kept things light, which was a relief actually. The way a reunion with old friends should be. 

Rating: B

The Mustang (2019)

The film has a silent strength which carries the viewer to the end despite a heavy tone. 

Rating: C+

180 Degrees South (2010)

An adventure documentary that starts out a little slow, but gradually picks up steam. Happy accidents seems to be the theme of the film and with travel in general. The unexpected places you see and people you meet when things don’t go according to plan. 

The indie soundtrack is solid. The cast of diverse characters and personalities that show up along the way will remind you of your fondest trips and make you want to leave home once again. 

Rating: B-

Moonlight (2016)

Life is hard. Figuring out who you are and how you want to present yourself to the world is hard. Relationships, or the lack of them, is hard. Moonlight is a film about these hardships.

Rating: C+

13th (2016)

An incredibly depressing documentary about the how mass incarceration has essentially replaced slavery in America, and there’s no sign of it slowing down. A subtext of the film highlights America’s legacy of electing shitty leaders, as our system roots out the good ones long before they rise to the top. 

This would be a great documentary to be shown in high schools. A night of fun entertainment it ain't.

No Rating

Top 10 Fred Willard Movies

Top 10 Fred Willard Movies

Rank	Title	Year	Grade
1	Wall-E	2008	A
2	Roxanne	1987	B
3	Best In Show	2000	B-
4	Youth In Revolt	2009	B-
5	Waiting For Guffman	1996	B-
6	A Mighty Wind	2003	C+
7	Idle Hands	1999	C+
8	Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me	1999	C+
9	Anchorman: The Legend Of Ron Burgundy	2004	C
10	Monster House	2006	C